Get Happy: 4 Well-Being Workouts from the NEW YORK TIMES
- Jun 9, 2017
- 4 min read
"Happiness" -- easier said than done, right?
In this day and age, the idea of achieving real, lasting happiness is a lofty concept at best. Let's face it: we live in a fast-paced, cutthroat world... Just turn on the news if you need a reminder! It's virtually impossible to escape negativity even when we begin each day with the very best of intentions. Now, more than ever, society is ruled by the bottom-line, materialistic desires, and overall greed. We check things off our to-do list each day like robots, and often only complete tasks because we "have to," or because they hold some vital self-serving purpose that has very little to do with pleasure or enjoyment of any kind. In 2017, it seems, so very little of what we do is in the name of experiencing true "happiness."
It's an imbedded part of American culture to seek out "quick fixes" when it comes to relieving stress, anxiety, anger, and depression; but these "Band-Aid" solutions are only helpful to us in the short-term. As a society, we are under the false impression that if we can eliminate such negative feelings, we will finally be happy, but the truth is, long-term happiness can only be achieved when we are able to, quite literally, transform our mindsets and completely rewire our thinking. On June 23rd, Embrace will host Linda Graham, MFT, at its Middletown, RI location to tackle the very topic of stress-management and overcoming obstacles along our journeys to real contentment. When individuals are able to genuinely change detrimental patterns of thinking, the possibilities are endless in terms of what can be achieved.
Graham's teachings, based on her book, Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience & Well-Being, are part of the next phase of initiatives aimed at transforming the culture at Embrace Home Loans. Unfortunately, with only a limited number of seats available, participation in Graham's full-day experiential training is not possible for all Embrace professionals. For those unable to attend, try the following four "Get Happy" exercises from the New York Times for a taste of what we hope to accomplish within the Embrace community in the coming months:
While it may seem logical to conclude that the absence of negativity in one's life equates to happiness, this is not necessarily true, argues Dr. Martin E.P. Seligman, a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. Seligman purports that "... well-being consists not merely of feeling happy (an emotion that can be fleeting) but of experiencing a sense of contentment in the knowledge that your life is flourishing and has meaning beyond your own pleasure" (Scelfo).
Dr. Seligman suggests that those interested in pursuing genuine happiness ought to shift their focus to achieving an overall, long-term sense of well-being instead. In a recent New York Times article, "Get Happy: Four Well-Being Workouts," by Julie Scelfo, Seligman advises that in order "To cultivate the components of well-being, which include engagement, good relationships, accomplishment and purpose... four exercises based on research at the Penn Positive Psychology Center" are especially useful (Scelfo):
1. Identify Signature Strengths
Write down a story about a time when you were at your best. It doesn’t need to be a life-changing event but should have a clear beginning, middle and end. Reread it every day for a week, and each time ask yourself: “What personal strengths did I display when I was at my best?” Did you show a lot of creativity? Good judgment? Were you kind to other people? Loyal? Brave? Passionate? Forgiving? Honest?
Writing down your answers “puts you in touch with what you’re good at,” Dr. Seligman explained. The next step is to contemplate how to use these strengths to your advantage, intentionally organizing and structuring your life around them.
2. Find the Good
Set aside 10 minutes before you go to bed each night to write down three things that went really well that day. Next to each event answer the question, “Why did this good thing happen?”
Instead of focusing on life’s lows, which can increase the likelihood of depression, the exercise “turns your attention to the good things in life, so it changes what you attend to,” Dr. Seligman said. “Consciousness is like your tongue: It swirls around in the mouth looking for a cavity, and when it finds it, you focus on it. Imagine if your tongue went looking for a beautiful, healthy tooth.” Polish it.
3. Make a Gratitude Visit
Think of someone who has been especially kind to you but you have not properly thanked. Write a letter describing what he or she did and how it affected your life, and how you often remember the effort. Then arrange a meeting and read the letter aloud, in person.
“It’s common that when people do the gratitude visit both people weep out of joy,” Dr. Seligman said. Why is the experience so powerful? “It puts you in better touch with other people, with your place in the world.”
4. Respond Constructively
This exercise was inspired by the work of Shelly Gable, a social psychologist at the University of California, Santa Barbara, who has extensively studied marriages and other close relationships. The next time someone you care about shares good news, give what Dr. Gable calls an “active constructive response.”
That is, instead of saying something passive like, “Oh, that’s nice” or being dismissive, express genuine excitement. Prolong the discussion by, say, encouraging them to tell others or suggest a celebratory activity.
These are simple, effective tools we can all begin actively incorporating into our lives if we consciously commit ourselves to the real "soul work" involved in truly experiencing happiness-- or should I say, well-being. Each of us is individually responsible for cultivating that sense of well-being within ourselves, which in turn, will lead to the development of our long-term experience of happiness.
To learn more about Dr. Seligman's approach to happiness and well-being, check out Julie Selfo's full write-up in the New York Times here.
References
Scelfo, Julie. "Get Happy: Four Well-Being Workouts." The New York Times. The New York Times, 05 Apr. 2017. Web. 30 May 2017.
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